Me: There is so much pharm to learn. If only we didn't have to prescribe so many damn drugs.
Other person: Well you wouldn't be much a doctor then would you...

OMM?!

Also I'd like to add banging body to my list. Or at least better general health. But banging bod sounds better.

And do something cool this summer. If I don't do some program, just at least travel. I'm so jeals of L&B taking the train across the american frontier.

And stop s-ing c's.

And get better/more engaged into hobbies/interests.

And to first year med student who got a giant tattoo of the Caduceus on your back that you can't even see - not only is that wrong symbol of what you're trying to represent, hope you don't drop out and go into construction...

Dude. I got mad love to give. Just let me.

2011: Up until the last weeks of this year, I could have easily said this was my most favorite. I am not so sure anymore.
-Maintain friendships/relationship:
       How this failed I don't even know. I hate being this out of control. Not even understanding. I hate this. I never want to be with anyone ever again. All people do is hurt you.

-Leave job when I know it's time and avoid making yourself miserable:
      Um, not sure how well I did with this because I was able to leave voluntarily and didn't have to force myself. I would like to think I would have done so otherwise, but who knows. All I can say is that I am so happy to not be in that shit hole performing the most pointless tasks of my life.

-Do everything there is to do in Boston before I leave:  
    That's a stretch. I found things I enjoyed and did them and was glad for that. Going back this most recent time though really made me realize that even though it can feel like you run out of things to do, there is always something more. I miss Boston. I miss the apartment and being able to walk to Johnie's or get on the T/bus and being in the vicinity of other people and living in a place that has things to offer. Do I dare say that Long Island has things to offer? That's a little much. I already want out.

-Travel and explore:      Alright.

-Road trip:
     No major road trip trips here and there. Portland, California, Arizona, France.

-Read hella books:
     Did not read hella books but I read some. This is definitely something to work on.

-Try harder and continue to make Mom understand:
     Still remains uncertain. After her response about the current situation, it was clear that she did not understand but I don't think that was due to my own shortcomings.

-Help make this world not such a shitty place:
     Who do I think I am, Mother Theresa? I don't have any solid examples I can give except living and being in my own world and trying not to add to the horribleness of this world.

-Be cool, go to school:
     Cool.

2012
-Find peace in being single.
-Find how to make LI living better.
-Make cooler friends. Maintain solid friendships.
-Find motivation so I can figure out what I want in my life. I have no idea anymore.

Trust no one.

I've got the mad blues. Feeling so uninspired. All I do is study. What else could I be doing? Also to boy in anatomy group and other students alike. I should learn to ignore the shockingly stupid things that come out of your mouth but I can't. Doesn't your chosen profession demand non judgment? How have you gotten this far in life and what will you become? Stop making excuses for your offensive beliefs. People like you should be banned from society and taken to an island where you will all kill each other with your hate.

I wish I wrote more in here, especially with the start of all these new things, but just haven't found the time or the motivation. Basically med school is a trip. It's a sometimes bumpy sometimes smooth sometimes blast the radio on the open road fun sometimes get so nauseous I need to pull over and throw up bad and always so much traffic and too much distance to travel to pull over and pee busy trip. I need to get a peeshe. There's a lot to learn and a lot to do and that's why I think there should be another year. I mean being in another year of this sounds like it could be horrible, but I don't think it would be. I think if we had the time to learn and internalize what we're reading instead of just crazy insane last minute memorizing the last 30 lectures worth of material, it might actually benefit us in the future. Just saying. It is kind of weird for me to go to such a small school and have only 3 buildings that you always go between. It reminds me of high school in that way but obviously it's not. I am definitely surprised by the amount of douche bags though. What's that all about? I also miss that I can't really walk anywhere. I mean I could but town is like a mile away (which is nothing) but that takes up too much time and then I'm doomed forever!! I just hate being so dependent on my car. I had a crazy dream about driving in the rain and my gas was really low and all these alarms started going off and my car shutdown. I always do let the gas get really low until I absolutely have to fill it up again. That shit is expensive! I need to do that today.... Our home makes me happy because it's ours but all its other issues do not. I still am not understanding how it can be freezing to the point and needing to wear 4 layers of clothes inside and it be the most pleasant day outside. What is going on there? I am so scared for winter. I am never leaving the house. I wish I had more time to spend with M but we do what we can and I'm thankful that she's sticking around. This all sounds like a whiny post, which is what blogs are for, aren't they? But I should say that I am extremely happy to be where I am and learning all these things. Like for example when I was listening to something on the radio and they were talking about all these diseases and their mechanisms etc, I knew exactly what they were talking about and that was a cool moment. I liked M's idea of having a "it's get better" campaign for med students. Also it's fall. My favorite season. Pumpkin everything (especially beer and donuts and coffee), pretty leaves, candy corn, apple cider, comfy sweatshirts, and just the general smell and feel. I love you fall, you make me feel like I can do anything. <3 <3 <3