I can't believe that this time next week I'll be in the new house. I feel so full up with so many different emotions right now. I'm happy that I'm going to be living with my love and that I will begin medical school (say what?). I almost didn't ever expect this to happen. And now that it is all becoming a reality, it is hard to face it almost. While all this excitement exists, I am also scared as hell. I'm scared that I won't do well. What if it's super hard and I don't know anything? I'm scared about making new friends and keeping in touch with old ones. What will my life be like? Will there be time to enjoy it? I just have to keep reminding myself that people do this all the time. And if they can get through so can I. It's certainly not impossible. And I'm signing up for this voluntarily. I mean this is what I want to do with my life. I'm working towards my life goal and that feels so good to say and I'm sure it'll feel even better once I"m actually doing it. Just the initial adjustment will be difficult but so is every adjustment. There are always uncertainties with every new thing that's what adds to the excitement. So I just need to embrace it. Enjoy every moment of it while it's happening. Even if it's the worst day or shit is just hard. Just be thankful that I've been given this opportunity to live my dream of being a doctor and helping others, all side by side with my B. What more could I want? You can do this.

Letting go and moving on is always hard. This might be the easiest one so far though. I know I can always come back. And what I already have to look forward to is all I could ever ask for.

I just want to make a list of everything.

Things I'll miss:
-apartment in Boston and everything to do with it: looking out the window, making coffee and watching tv in the living room, hanging out in the bedroom, all of it
-people: I dont have a ton of friends but the ones I have are good quality (even though right now I am kind of annoyed with some, I still in general have had a good base); I wont be able to just call them up and hang out anymore
-free time: drinking beer, watching tv, going outside, reading, playing guitar, being on the computer, etc
-Boston: the T, the accents, the smells, the food, etc


Things I'm looking forward to:
-living in our first real place together and making it entirely ours; what a gift and how exciting to be able to see each other every day
-learning cool stuff: anatomy and everything about the body down to our cells, how we function and what that means or how to fix it when something goes wrong; fucking amazing that this information even exists and then that we keep it in our heads
-meeting some really cool people: i hope i find those I can connect with as my peers and those that will become my mentors where I can find inspiration to keep me strong


These few words cant express everything going on. But that's just as much as I can say for now. See you on the other side.

Packing Up, Moving On

Tonight I've started taking down everything from the walls. It's like I'm disassembling my life that was 3 years in the making. I'm thankful for the change, but it's always hard to move on. At least I can appreciate the beautiful sky so late at night. I wish all nights would slowly make their way into the dark.

1 week

Is this really happening? I only have one week left at the job I've been at for 2.5 years. I guess that's not really a long time but if you think of my lifespan that's like a tenth of my life.

Things I've enjoyed:
-being able to roll out of bed and get to work quickly
-discount T pass!
-having my own desk
-getting my own dollah billz
-being a vampire
-eating lunch
-nice people

Things I need to remember that I won't miss:
-being the lowest person on the totem pole in relation to all the people I work with and what that translates to
-forever long lab meetings/reports
-mytime
-stupid people
-stupid tasks

It's been real. See you again some day.

To me, it has always seemed like the world is going to shit. This year looking back at everything, it feels it finally has. Disasters, wars, crisis, death. Can it get much worse than this?

Selfishly, for me, I think I can honestly say that 2010 was my favorite year so far. Incredible things have happened and I'm grateful for all of it.

Looking at last year's list, I accomplished (Almost) everything I wanted to. Hell yeah:

-Tell fam about things they should know: Check (well, define "family". What a relief. Still lots of work though)
-Get some more life direction: Check, but ongoing
-Get an EMT job - or really any other job that makes me happy and helps me to be more financially independent/secure: Uh. That didn't happen.
-Travel more: Check
-Continue to maintain friendships/relationship: Check (and even made a few new friends!)
-Not get hit by cars: Check!
-Develop and implement plans to get out of Boston: Check (packing my bags for NY)
-Do cooler things in general: Check and mate


What's up for next year?

-Maintain friendships/relationship
-Leave job when I know it's time and avoid making yourself miserable
-Do everything there is to do in Boston before I leave
-Travel and explore
-Road trip
-Read hella books
-Try harder and continue to make Mom understand
-Help make this world not such a shitty place
-Be cool, go to school

That's all I got for now. See you on the other side <3

I really don't want to jinx it, but I still just can't believe how incredibly well things are going these days. I have to remember this feeling. I am so lucky. Everything is falling into place.

Keep it coming.

Forever ago

It has been so long since I've been on this thing that I had to type the whole website into the browser, but I had to remember what it was even called, and then I had to "sign in". Weird.

I wish I used this more often to post things up but I have things like my own journal to write in and Google Reader which had revolutionized my life and I am able to share cool things I find on there. Well, supposing I find cool things.

But I guess every once in a while it's nice to come back here and free write/rant, as I am doing right now.

I'm laying in my bed with my swollen feet coming home after the Miike Snow concert which was spectacular. From my window I can see the moon in its entirety. I think it might be full tonight. I can never tell because there is always that tiny little piece that always remains. I want to eat the moon because I like imagining it made out of cheese like Wallace and Gromit suggest.

Uh. Some other things on my mind include:

1) I'm afraid of the mice and getting up in the middle of the night and seeing them. Luckily, I am able to find my way through my apartment in the dark now so I won't have to see them. Unfortunately, my sensory nerves are still intact so I'm still at risk of feeling it if it touches me and that's definitely worse. I don't know what I'll do if that happens.

2)I'm working a lot which is good and bad. I get paid beans. Less than beans. Half beans. Half gross pinto beans. But I am learning a lot and getting to draw blood and do fun stuff like that. I practiced on Simpa again today and I wasn't so good. I guess it was beginners luck the first time. I also need to study more. Less than two months away. Jebus.

3)I'm going to miss Simpa so much when he's gone.

4)When am I ever going to put my EMT skills to use? Can someone please just go into cardiac arrest when I'm around. I promise I'll be good to you.

5)I can't wait to make some mobiles if I ever get around to it.

6)I hate college and I'm so glad I'm not in it and I don't miss at all.

7)I need something to inspire me. I'm searching and I get hints of things sometimes, but I'm waiting for something incredible to happen.

8)I love my gf's sexy shawtys.

Okay that's all I got.

'09

This has been a pretty ridiculous year. But that's generally what I end up thinking at the end of every year. I s0rt of like how time has check points so that you can measure and figure out where you are in life.

For this year, things I'm happy about:

-Turning 21 - that's not really an accomplishment, but I am happy to at least be at this age finally
-Graduating college- thank god
-Getting and maintaining a good (debatable) job
-Traveling to the places I did: LA, WA, DC, NY
-Getting over heartbreak while finding new love (that's corny, but it's still important)
-Maintaining the friendships that are important to me
-Surviving crazy accident- that isn't really much an accomplishment either because that was entirely luck, but I am still happy about it

Things to work on for next year:

-Tell fam about things they should know
-Get some more life direction
-Get an EMT job - or really any other job that makes me happy and helps me to be more financially independent/secure
-Travel more
-Continue to maintain friendships/relationship
-Not get hit by cars
-Develop and implement plans to get out of Boston
-Do cooler things in general

Well, I don't think that's too much to ask for. Until next year.