clean up in aisle 7

I am so fucking goopy and gross, please pardon my mess, but this is just what's on my mind right now.

For me, learning to deal with the fact that love can dissapate so easily is one of the hardest things. I do not want to accept this simple truth and I do not want to confront the active notion of moving on. My heart wants to stay where it is and I can not understand how people have the ability to move themselves on. How they can decide to one day build their life with someone else and disregard everything you had together? Didn't you appreciate the things I did? How I kissed you on the nose when it was time to go, how I had to kiss you before we ate, how I treated you the very best because I was so in love with you? How can you forget those things? I can't forget your sweet voice, your one dimple when you smiled, your distinctive laugh, especially when I was the one who brought it out. Everything. The things I remember are so fucking important and I don't want them to fade, even though I know it's for the better. Why do things have to be for the better and why can't they just stay the way they are? Why can't I find someone who feels the same way I do about these things? Why can't I just love someone so much and not have it crumble to pieces when it gets to be too much? I want the next one to last and to be able to make unbreakable promises. I can not bare to have my heart broken again. It is not something I want to make me stronger. No I want to be weak and I want to be vulnerable and I want to be able to be hurt by you, but to know that you would never do that to me. I want for someone to make me feel I am whole and loved and appreciated and the happiest I could ever be and have them know that they are the most wonderful to me and I will always take care of them and no one could love them more than me, no matter how hard they tried.