<3

What is my stupid fucking problem? I'm fed up with my heavy heart always lagging behind my already unclear mind, holding me back so that eventually I get too tired of dragging it in my weak arms and instead it yanks me back to where it wants to belong because it doesn't know any better. You can't talk sense into that thing. The scent of the past is too strong for it to resist and it digs it up no matter how deep. 

Also, I want to get the whole book of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close tattooed all over my body so that I can refer to it when all other spoken words lose their meaning, and these truths are the only thing that remain. I'll rest upon these words to keep me afloat.  

"...sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living. In this life, I'm sitting in an airport trying to explain myself to my unborn son...I'm thinking of Anna, I would give everything to never think about her again, I can only hold on to the things I want to lose, I'm thinking of the day we met...We talked about nothing in particular but it felt like we were talking about the most important things, we pulled fistfulls of grass, and I asked her  if she liked to read, and she said "No, but there are books that I love love love," she said  it  just like that three times, "Do you like to dance?" she asked, "Do you like to swim?"I asked, we looked at each other until it felt like everything would burst into flames....................she wants to know if I love her, that's all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet.."